Desperately seeking new owner for beloved pets. Free to good home.

I’ll be straight with you, I’m trying to get rid of my two mice. They are in nearly mint condition, white, and have only been in use for a short while. I love them both dearly, but can no longer give them the life they deserve.

A few caveats:

1: These mice were used as test subjects and their appearance is slightly abnormal, but they are still adorable in their own way.

2: They come with names. I don’t recommend trying to change these names, as it may make the mice irritable. Trust me when I say, you don’t want to do anything to get on their bad side, especially the short one.

3: They must be kept in a sterile environment free of chemicals, wires, and writing utensils. (This is for your safety, not theirs.)

4: It turns out that you can be held accountable by the government for the behavior of your pets, and their nightly plotting for world domination. They don’t buy your assertion of, “The mice did it! I promise! I’ve been framed!”

Anyhow, my two, precious rodent pals must be rehomed immediately. I will be away for some time, and they must go before I do. Serious inquiries only. No snake or large reptile owners, please.