another end…

Today someone important to me passed away. I got the call this morning right after I got out of the shower and before I went downstairs for a day of PAX. I spent most of my day doing what I normally do with such news, I bottled everything up. I’m still not sure how to put everything into words, but I’m going to try. This could be really short and disjointed, but it’s really for me anyway, so I don’t care.

I’m not going to lie, for a day that was an amazing day, today wasn’t the best. My joints were once again determined to devour my good time, and I hobbled along the streets of Seattle and floors of the convention center trying to concentrate on walking without cringing, but far too often failing because so much of my energy was being spent keeping myself from thinking about regretting not spending more time with a lady that was just truly spectacular.

My great aunt was a writer. A damn good one. She filled journals with some of the most beautiful poetry that I’ve ever read, and she talked constantly about the book she wanted to write. She never wrote it. Her body gave out before she got it done. You see, she also suffered from muscles and joints that were determined to ruin her good time. And they did. A lot. And it wasn’t fair.

When I was little, I used to write poems and stories and I would send them to my aunt. She would write back and encourage me to do more. She always had time to tell me to keep writing. Really, I think I became a writer because of her. I wanted to write poetry that held up to what she had crafted. She would give me notebooks and journals, and I would do my best to fill them. I’ve spent years hoping that if she read what I put to page, she would be proud. But she’s been sick for a long time, and I’m not sure she ever really did read what I’ve written as an adult. That’s my fault. I never took it to her. I should have, but I didn’t because I was always too busy for stuff like that, and that makes me feel completely horrible. Because now she’s gone.

This is a downer. I know. I don’t really have much else. Except maybe, love the people close to you, and don’t put off visits. Time goes by much faster than you realize, and eventually it runs out.

I’m going to sleep now because that’s all that’s left for today. I can’t take anymore, so I’m just going to stop for a while and rest.

I love you Aunt Mary Ellen. Thank you for everything.

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