this world is getting me down…

It really sucks being on the outside.
I know this from years of being in that spot.
Some of it has been self-inflicted… I’m just not very good at being human.
But some of it is because I’m different, and people can be cruel.
I’ve never fit in very well.
It has always been hard for me to make connections.
People forget me pretty instantly, so I meet the same people over and over again.

This isn’t sour grapes.

It’s just recognizing that being on the outside isn’t the best.
When you’re the only one forced out, you feel it.
When you know that if there was a party and everyone would be invited but you, it stings.

What I’m saying is, I’ve felt that kind of alienation; I know rejection intimately.

There was a time when I wasn’t sure I wanted to keep being alive.
It seemed harder to wake up in the morning and breathe than I wanted it to be.
Sure, I was thirteen, and sure that’s probably common, but that stuck with me.
I’ve done my best not to forget.
I’ve held onto it to remind myself that words can be lethal.

Turns out dying is a scary thing, and I’ve never been great at follow through.
The knife under my pillow stayed there for a few nights, and then I put it back in the kitchen.
This makes me one of the lucky ones.
One of the people that gets to wake up and remember that I can survive life’s worst.

I don’t think I could live with myself  if I knew that something I said sent someone over the edge.
How different is that than pulling the trigger?
It feels the same to me.

Remember it isn’t easy.
Remember people need love to keep living.
Please, for the sake of those that are barely hanging on, watch what you say.
Watch what you do.
Don’t be the final straw, the person that makes the decision an easy one.

Be there for your fellow humans.
Include the people that are different than you.

Forget about shit like politics!
Because none of that is important.

What’s important is helping each other through this life.
What’s important is loving the people you come into contact with.

All you have to do to make a difference to someone is this:
Be kind.


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