the substandard superhero squad (part 2)…

This story inspired by Angela and Aubrey Webber of The Doubleclicks and their song Worst Superpower Ever.

When we last were with our heros: Lady C’est Chic was mid manicure, Captain O Negative had been captured by a drably garmented and blood-soaked group of  villains, and The Napinator had been clobbered by an unknown someone or something with a baseball bat. Will they be able to turn their dire situation around? We are about to find out.

Lady C’est Chic looks up from putting platinum polish on her long, rounded nails. Seeing her partner lying on the ground with a masked man hovering over his crumpled body wielding a baseball bat and letting out a sinister sneer from between his lips, she chucks her bottle of polish towards the masked man’s head. The bottle hits him squarely in the temple and he passes out. Feeling like she has contributed enough, C’est Chic retrieves her bottle, nudges The Napinator with the toe of her leather boot, and returns to her moped to finish painting her nails.

The nudge from Chic’s boot wakes up The Napinator. When he sees the man who had previously clubbed him, he immediately recognizes his arch nemesis, Bat-arm Man! One of the man’s arms was not an arm and, in fact, a baseball bat. In early superhero elementary school, The Napinator had known (then) Bat-arm Boy. He had made fun of him relentlessly for the silly wooden block attached where his arm should be. Since then, he had been stalked by the boy (now man) and dealt with being whacked over the head occasionally at extremely inopportune times, like this one.

The Napinator quickly ties up Bat-arm Man and goes back to pushing out another yawn bubble. Meanwhile, in the bank, Captain O Negative has been blindfolded. The bad guys pretty much figure that as long as he cannot shoot blood at them, he is basically harmless. They are, once again, loading money into bags when they begin to feel listless. Captain O Negative hears their gun drop to the ground for the second time, and quickly removes his blindfold.

With a flourish, he distracts the robbers with another stream of blood and exclaims, “Aha! I’ve got you now!” Taking advantage of their disorientation and disgust, he ties them up, and leads the slightly tired innocents out into the daylight.

Once again united with the other two members of his trio, Captain O mounts his scooter. Amidst a smattering of applause, The Napinator stands tall and addresses the crowd, “Once again, we have saved the day! Now, my fellow citizens, we are off! To the mopeds!”

Putting on her helmet, Lady C’est Chic expresses her clear disinterest with a humphy, “Whatever.”

With a final cry of, “We must away!” Captain O Negative revs his machine and the three are off to their next adventure!

Is this the end of the story for this ill prepared crew? Are there more adventures in their future? Will Lady C’est Chic find the perfect dress to wear to the ball?  Tune in next time for all of these answers, and more!

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