for jennie…

This post is a gift for my sister because I’m poor and my words are essentially solid gold.

Jennie has a cat
the cat climbs very tall things
it’s Veteran’s Day

Jennie had a horse
the horse liked to drink Pepsi
let’s all eat some cake!

Once there was a girl.
She did lots of things, you know?
Happy birthday, Jen.

A girl from the country named Jen,
froze apples and put peaches in cans.
She married this guy
who liked to eat pie,
but also liked biscuits with jam.

Happy birthday, sister dear. Love you lots!

P.S. This is a bonus not-a-limerick for my brother-in-law because I wouldn’t want him to get jealous that his wife got ALL the special presents today.

A man canning peaches did find
that shoes should be worn at all times.
When working in kitchens
toes can be deeply bitten
by glass when it slips out of one’s hand and propels itself downward increasing in velocity until it reaches its maximum velocity before it lands in just the right spot to sever a tendon and send the person canning peaches to the emergency room where they will be told that they have to schedule surgery on said toe and return at a later time to have that surgery performed at which time they will be laid up for several weeks and that all of this could have been avoided by following basic kitchen safety procedure as dictated by the great Alton Brown on Good Eats and just wearing closed toe shoes.

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