sometimes i just want to fight…

Do you ever have those days when you just want to punch someone? Sometimes I wish I knew how to fight. I wish that my parents made me take some sort of self-defense class or something. Tiny little me doesn’t pack much a punch. Especially because I’m so bad at throwing one that I usually hurt myself.

Punching, clearly, is not my forte.

I am not good at lashing out with words either.

I suck at letting people know I’m pissed at them.

There is no possible way for me to jump up and demand that people feel hurt for the hurt they’ve caused me.

I generally feel guilty for even thinking bad things about others, even really annoying others.

So, I guess this is a screw you. I would direct it at a particular person, but I can’t because then they would know I’m mad at them. And if they knew I was mad at them, well, that would be terrible. I don’t think I could handle it.

It seems that I get the angriest when people question the decisions I’ve made in my life or with my family. I’m a private person and I don’t like feeling the need to answer for my choices. Answering for them means details and giving out details just makes me uncomfortable. Maybe I wouldn’t want to punch people as often if they would just back off and realize that sometimes they don’t know the whole story.

I try to live my own life remembering that about others. Remembering that I don’t know what they keep hidden from everyone else and that, often, those hidden things are hidden for a reason and quite painful to them. I try to remember that people do things for their own reasons and that those reasons are valid to them. And I try very, very hard not to judge…

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