This is a story about personal growth and how something very silly can change the direction of one’s life.
Once there was a girl who constructed an image of herself in her own mind. She decided her interests based on how others would view her because of them. Certain things were set aside, not due to actual dislike, but due to the fact that they were unseemly or projected an image she was uncomfortable with. Then, one day, she took a leap. There was a decision looming before her that required a simple response: yes or no. In a moment of daring, she picked up her phone and looked through her contacts. After finding the name she was seeking, she sent a message indicating her acquiescence to the request. She would join in.
By now you may realize that she is me, and the event was a rather awkwardly life-changing game of Dungeons and Dragons. You may laugh, but it is true that a simple decision to stop being stubborn and to be a part of something and see what it was before dismissing it completely made me look at the world a little differently.
For my birthday, a friend bought me some Magic cards. They said they thought I would enjoy the game and that I should give it a shot. So, instead of balking and loudly stating my aversion to something so nerdy and below me, I gave in. I played a game. I actually liked it. I spent some time reading online and making some decisions and built my own deck. I will admit, that it is not completely my game. I don’t like how meta it can get and I don’t like that so many people take it to the point of figuring out ways to simply make it impossible to beat them if they have spent every last moment of their life acquiring cards. That, is silly. However, it is a fun game. I think I’ll try others like it. Maybe the Killer Bunnies version.
I am trying to keep a more open mind. I am attempting to be more willing to try things that may be scary or uncomfortable. Most of my decisions about my appearance, likes, and dislikes have become a security blanket and a way to hide from people. An attempt to burry my insecurities and to try desperately to keep from getting my heart broken. It is time for change. No, it is a time for changes. There needs to be more than just one…
The other day I wore a skirt to a party when I could have worn jeans. Some days I wake up and put make up on, not because I have to go anywhere, but because I can and, to be honest, there are times when it just feels good to look in the mirror and change what I see, even if it is only slightly.
I have started identifying myself as what I am. I am a writer. If people laugh or roll their eyes, that is their problem. The fact is that I have been writing from the beginning. Most of my memories involve me with a crayon, pen, pencil, typewriter, computer or anything else that allowed me to get my thoughts out of my head and put them anywhere a little more concrete. Writing is what I do, and there is no shame in that. It may not currently pay my bills, but you know, that only means that I have to be more willing to sell my work. I have to be willing to view myself as more than just a person, I have to be willing to view myself as a brand. I am Kristine Hamilton, writer.
They seem small, the things I have tweaked in my life. They seem inconsequential right now, but I know they won’t be. Every step I take forward, every time I decide to try something new, every single moment I spend at my keyboard putting my imagination to use; someday those things will mean something spectacular for me and my life.
for what its worth, i am proud of you. little changes are sometimes so hard to make, and you are so right- they make huge differences later on. im glad youve made a change that makes you happy. :)