Sometimes I am just sad. Today, I’m sad. Yesterday, I was sad. I wish I knew why. It’s a weird contradiction, because part of me is happier than usual. I think part of it is that I feel lonely lately. Being a stay at home mom is very isolating. Being a mom period is isolating. I get out and see people, it’s true, but I have to fight against the fact that staying at home all day by myself makes me feel like I never want to see people. Part of me would be just as content to hide away all the time but, since I want to avoid becoming completely agoraphobic, I force myself to leave my house.
I don’t want to drive to Boise by myself tonight. I don’t want to sit in a coffee shop and write. I do want to go to bed at 6 and watch the Olympics and eat takeout. I want really good burgers and fries and I want to be by myself and just mope. Of course, this isn’t a healthy idea. A better idea would be to go to Boise anyway, but I may take a sick day. Josh is going out with Drew, so I could really have alone time. Now, the question, do I stay at home and mope? Or do I do the healthy thing and leave? Right now I’m thinking the lonely thing. I like me the Olympics and I like me the burgers and fries and sometimes I feel like I just need to hide out.
I have a few projects I’m working on right now for the Ravelympics. I’m making a couple of BSU scarves that a friend ordered, and I’m working on something for me too. I came across this pattern online and realized I had the perfect yarn in my stash to make it. I enjoy knitting as much as I enjoy crocheting, and right now I’m really enjoying the fact that I’m learning new things. Figuring out a new stitch makes me very happy. I’ll probably include some crocheting or knitting into my alone time tonight.
Oh! And cake. I think I need cake…