give me the beat boys and free my soul…

Three days with very little sleep and I am starting to understand why sleep deprivation causes psychosis. Again. I know that I’ve been here before. The only thing keeping me sane seems to be the music playing constantly from my computer speakers. If the music stops, I have a feeling that my ability to reason will as well and I will float off into the sky like an errant balloon drifting up into the atmosphere.

Is it wrong to hallucinate? To see things that are not really there, but to recognize that you see them and that they are fiction? Like thought bubbles. The kind on Pop up Video or in comic books. Maybe Pop up Video more. Maybe the action bubbles from comic books. Pow! Bam! Zoom! Yeah, those. Definitely the pop up bubbles though. The ones that come up on the screen and say things like, “She doesn’t really feel that way,” or, “When they go home, they drop the feçade and cry.” It’s almost like insight, but fake insight. If it does not exist and you recognize that, then is it not just believing lies?

And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain,
Don’t carry the world upon your shoulders.
For well you know that it’s a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder.
-The Beatles


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