if I could only escape my brain for a few minutes…

Last night I had terrible dreams. After making the decision to have the c-section yesterday I did what any ex English major would do and I came home to read anything I could get my hands on about them. I read things online and in books and in magazines. The problem? It seems like most things about c-sections are about the risks and complications. All night long I had all of these dreams about things going wrong and happening to the baby. I woke up feeling entirely guilty. I’m having the c-section to avoid complications to me, but what about the baby? It seems like a few extra weeks of healing time is nothing compared to a lifetime of food allergies and breathing problems. One of my biggest flaws is that I tend to over think things. I make a decision, and then I spend the next few hours or days convincing myself that the decision I made should be tweaked in some way. This is great when shopping… it causes me to avoid many unnecessary purchases. However, when it comes to real life, big dilemmas it is a problem. I keep having to stop myself from picking up the phone and canceling the surgery… I guess I’ll just have to distract my brain with something else for the next 6 days so I don’t do something foolish like that. Or is it really a foolish thing to do in the first place?

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